Kupala

Sunday...

2008-08-31T14:50:00.002+01:00

Wow it has been a long long time since i wrote here the last time, allmost a year. Alot has happend to be honest, we are awaiting another kid, the 3rd now :) I have a new job, as a security guard and life is starting to take a fast turn here.

Today we have been out walking for the 4th time in a row. We walked about 6km today, which is about half the way that we walked yesterday.

Tomorrow the weekend is over, and i have a loooooooong day ahead of me, Thirteen hours straight up (Urgh!) but i guess you have to take it as it is right? I have some serious pain in one of my teeths aswell (Ooow!) but i will take it to the dentist sometime, when i can afford ;)

What else to write? Well i MIGHT update it abit later on tonight..

Cheers

/K

Random

2007-11-11T14:03:00.000Z

Your voice, like razors cutting through my flesh and into my soul.
Your eyes are of a burning gaze, everytime i see you it feels like i am burning up.
Your words are like poison from a snake. Each word feels like a bite with the most vicious of all liquids.[Fuck]
My soul is slowly fainting away into the mist. My mind is slowly getting ripped apart from every impression of this god forsaken world. What i saw that night was not fantasy, it was so real.. But still it wasn't. [Burn]. Whirlwinds of thoughts are in my mind. I hardly know what my name is anymore. It says that the little punk up stairs called GOD has a plan for all of us, well he forgot me but that is okay cause the day i die am gonna show him a thing or two. God is a kid with an antfarm, he dont give a shit about us.. Neither does Lucifer or anyother down stairs. They all give fuck about us [Fools]. Rage.. Rage.. And more rage are in my mind. Death to random people some say.. I say may death come over all of humanity. [ARMAGEDDON] Dark has my dreams been for some time, feels like i am living in a twilight zone. Some people call me motionless or ignorant.. Well why not YOU or YOU or any of you dont give a fuck about me so why would i? Mind your own fucking buisniss and leave me be.. With the face in the dirt i look for honour. You think you are so fucking special.. Well guss what, even the king or GWB is a fucking monkey.. You are all monkeys, WE are all monkeys.. The toll of the judgement bell shall soon be echo through the heaven.

/K

2007-11-10T09:08:00.001Z

She's with someone else.
Her dreams come true
And manifest as
My Nightmares.
And the selfish hypocrite
That I've become
Needs more of her than he's allowed
His desire poisons my heart…
Whats left of it.
The rest still belongs to her.

"Love doesn't exist"
And if it does…
What a coward.
Hiding itself in my presence
It fuels my search for it
Yet it's my biggest obstacle
A nuisance.
But I need it
Its beautiful allure captures me
Then when I'm its
Warm, fulfilling,
It spits in my face
It builds me up,
Because it enjoys seeing me fall.

I know better than to believe in fairytales
And dreams….
But hope's my favorite illusion.
Maybe, somehow, one day, soon
My favorite lies.
And those eyes…
I want her.
I need her again
Or do I need to let her go?
My Stubbornness and stupidity say
No
But my heart says…
Who cares what my heart says?
All it does is get me in trouble.
It's too hard to be her friend
Being her lover was
Too Natural
But I think I've accepted it
We'll never be

/K

2007-11-09T18:22:00.000Z

One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

/K

Phew!

2007-11-06T13:01:00.001Z

What a night.. Well let me start from the beginning =)

Last night i went to my parents house with the kids and the dog.. Zera was gonna go to a friend of hers of something to sleep over and i said.. stupid enough sure.. But she deserves it.. =) She is the best afterall..

We came home to my parents around 03.30pm Gmt and we ate dinner around 06.30pm Gmt and it is damn late for us.. The idea was for us to sleep over there but my daughter wanted to go home so we went home and at 9.30pm Gmt we came home.. My daughter passed out around 10.00pm i belive and my son around 10.30pm..

I went to bed around 11.30pm and crashlanded =).. At 00.30 my daughter woke up and screamed.. I put her in our bed and she kept screeming.. She fell asleep again and my son woke up due to her screaming..

An hour and fifteen minutes later he fell to sleep and woke up again one hour later and there we go.. =) *Time jump* 03.45 he fell back to sleep and at around 07.00am my dog and both kids woke up and.. My daughter and the dog gave me a kiss on the face and i woke up..

What a bloody night, so now am sitting here and waiting for Zera to come home at some time.. *Sighs* Its hard to be alone but as i said earlier she deserves it.. I wish i could go away to someone and sleep over a night.. Zera says its okay but there is one little problem.. I dont have anyone i really wanna sleep over at.. Only my parents and, well how fun is that on a scale 1-10?

And now my son woke up again.. *sighs* Guess thats all for me now.. Take care !

/K

Baptism and some other things

2007-10-28T15:12:00.000Z

Yesterday (Saturday) we had a batism for our son Tristan, it wasn't as many people as it was on our daughters baptism but it felt good.. Dont really like big parties etcetera...

We had (Unfortunately) to leave our dog at home cause half my family are allergics and half Zera's family are afraid of her(And other dogs aswell though)

But no worrys, our dear friend Lajnaja watched over her while we were gone.. Got the opportunity to meet a friend of hers.. She seemd like a nice girl. However takes abit more then three hours to get to know someone as a person.

What else? Oh Rizzla (Our dog) has gaind abit more respect for me which i think is great great GREAT !!

My aunt Irene visited us last day here in Stockholm, hasnt seen her in about 8 years or so, was fun to meet her..

Then today i got a call from my mother saying "Did you borrow money from your sister and havnt returned them?!" Well "Yes i did mom" and she started to scream how dissapointed she was on me.. Like that was a newsflash? Not really, personaly i couldn't care much less.. Most things i/we do/did they havnt liked so what the fuck...

Well i guess that was all for me today, take care all and perhaps i update tonight aswell!

Cheers

/K

Good day

2007-10-23T21:53:00.000+01:00

Today it has been a good day, my sense has been calm.. My soul is on the way to heal itself WITHOUT any use of a shrink..

A good friend of Zera went to visit us today and we got a chance to meet her boyfriend for the first time, he was truly a nice (but odd) bloke..

And along with them came my mother in law to say hello, ate a pie, drank some coffe then left again.. quick visit indeed..

After the coffe we watched some Cesar Millan on our DVD player (He is my new god)
And then we took out the dog to a big green plot and played her tired =)

She ran back and forth chasing different things and i believe we ALL enjoyed it very much, our kids fell asleep on the way to the "park"

Uhm something more?

Oh yes i feel am gaining more and more respect from the dog (Not that she comes when i call her though) that is still a major issue for me.. Will try with a vissle at some point to see if that helps me out.. I hope it does otherwise i have no idea what to do

Well thats all for me now

/K

So long time..

2007-10-22T22:12:00.001+01:00

Yes last time i wrote here was in June..
Its not that i haven't had anything to write about its just that i haven't had he energy to do so..

Well our son is getting bigger and bigger for every day and he is almost allways happy and smiling..
Oh and yeah we got ourself a dog.. A Pitbull, yes thats right a blood thirsty murder dog thats gonna eat my kids.. Or not :)

She is so qute and learning so well and fast, compared to other dogs i have had around me in my life.

Oh and yes i started out in group therapy, was in there for ONE session then i left it.. I figured it wasn't anything for me.. And the dog has helped me to start working with myself..

Slowly but steady forward am moving my soul to a brighter future.. Even though its hard and am facing alot of resistans i AM GOING TO MAKE IT !

Atleast just to prove the world wrong !

Well thats all for me now, i dont have much more to write at the moment but i will try to keep this thing up and running as well as my energy allows me..

/K

Wierdest feelings

2007-06-30T22:59:00.000+01:00

Everytime i look myself in the mirror i see a reflection of three people...

The one i wan't to be, the child within myself craving for the attention i did not recive.. And i see the one that a few times each day tells me "Yer a disgrace, yer a pathetic wanna-be macho man that has nothing to come with.. No wonder people don't wanna be with you.. They never wanted to and will never will.. Yer a white-trash! No wonder you can't do what you allways wanted to do.. You are ugly and disgusting and should be burried..."

This dark voice has snared my mind for many years and i am constantly fighting it, i don't want to let it win and take over my mind.. But who would i preffer, who would my surounding preffer..

For a long time i have been building up walls, a sort of barricade around the true me.. Trying to protect myself from other people and their laughings.. I know they talk about me behind my back, they have allways done that but what can i do to change that really?

Nothing i tell ye.. Not a bloody, darn, thing at all..

Well now am in the living room, wathing some crappy porn-flick on TV and writing this.. Not much else to do really.. Its not that i enjoy it, its more like.. Well i don't know...

HOWEVER !

We went to a place called Aquaria today with my fiancé, two kids and my parents.. (Yes they finaly moved their ancient lazy asses out from their region)

My/Our daughter enjoyed it very much.. We went to see the sharks.. As allways in there everyone is stunned.. One of fear and one for excitement and thrill..

My/Our daughter was very impressed.......... By the fan they had on the roof !! =)

After that my parrents bought us some coffé and a cookie (Well i lied it was soda not coffe) It was hot as it was so more heat would not be prefferd..

So over all it was a plesant day, no rush, no pondering about my personal problems.. An escape from myself sort of.. Or how am gonna put it.. :)

They even had a fake rainforrest with thunder and flashes and rain... It was cool...

Every night i ponders and thinks over myself.. What i wanna do, what i wanna change and what am satisfied with.. Well i know one thing, i have the two perfect kids in the world.. Thats for SURE...

Well am sorry for being a negative bastard but this is the only place where i can speak my mind cause the only one that REALLY knows me is my fiancé... Hell my parrents know about 10-15% about me..

Who knows, if i trust YOU enough one day i might even share my life story with you... If you are even interested and willing to listen to endless and endless of babling.. Took a few bottles of wine before i cleard things up for my fiancé but i KNOW that she is the one i wanna live the rest of my life with so she desserves the truth and nothing but the truth..

I guess thats all for now...

/K

Yet another...

2007-06-29T23:28:00.000+01:00

.. Night is about to past.. Or technicly it HAS passed...

Again am sitting here, alone in the allmost pitch-black livingroom, the only lights are from this computer screen and the TV that shows some crappy ass movie as allways..

God why do i still acually turn it on when i know its gonna be crap on it? Can it be my (allmost) phobia for silent rooms? Perhaps...

Tried to go to bed with the rest of the familly, once again i failed.. Can't relax for shit even that i want to.. Reason (allmost) unknown.. For me to know and for you not give give a rats ass about...

I can hear the quiet moaning from my youngest as he is (Probably) about to wake up.. Cool (or not).

"I walked into the dark room, with only a lap-top in my hand to light it up, i was about to enter a very unknown place and it was not Nirvana... I surfed around for a few moments, closed my eyes and i opend them again.. What happend? I look down, oh nothing.. Supprisingly.."

Anyway i am about to turn in to something i despite, a cranky, allmost indifirent old man.. I feel very old but trapped in a body looking like something for the nosferatu movies, atleast thats what the mirror's are telling me..

I don't know why i am getting so cranky, am sorry about that it is not by my meaning.. I can not help it. I think am stressed out, to tense...

Even when am extremly tired and my eyes are starting to cross i can not relax, cause i know (or feel) that anytime my kids can wake up then i have to run in to atlease one to safe and rescue like a superhero..

I don't know whats wrong with me to be honest, i feel... Changed, just a meer week ago i loved playing on my computer or just sit at it and do nothing special, now it hasn't been on for four days (and probably five aswell).. (Yes this is not MY computer its my fiancés computer). Something is wrong with me and i need help..

Still no sound from the psychiatrist by the way, am about to start looking for someone else.. A private one perhaps? (Cost's billions but there i guess i atleast will get help).

And its time when i think like that i start to look up after derangements that are simillar to my behavior, so far the closest one i found is something called "border-line". Hell knows what that is and telling the truth i don't give a shit either since its probably bullshit anyhow but its fun to look up.

So anything new over and all, well not much...

Sorry all that am so cranky, i cant help it, i could fake a smile now and then but am not like that at all, i guess am just to frustrated and belive me if i told you why.. You would either laugh right up in my face OR just don't understand.. Not many do, all i can say is that am sure am a original of myself..

Ta DA

/K

Nightwork

2007-06-28T23:55:00.000+01:00

Darkness, i open my eyes and i feel blind..

I can't see, not even my own hand infront of me. I don't know if am still sleeping or am awake and ready to go.

My mind is a tornado, a swirling tornado filled with colores. Blue! Red! Pink! Neon-Green! Yellow.

Feels like a rainbow, but where is the pot of gold then? Is it even there? And if it is give me a sign, anything at all.. "And to honour thy i shall sacrifice this pan of cookies and a glass of milk to thy, do NOT give me a sign if ye wish me to eat it myself..... Yer will shall be done! *Eats cookies*"

A cold breeze gently touches my skin, like a sheet made of silk. I shivers as i ponder about the worlds many problems. I figure we are only mare sheeps, taking command from the shepard with the crook. Hmm...

I sit here, minding my own business.. Family asleep and only me and a crappy Jay Leno is here.. Hearing the audience applauds to his bad jokes cause a "Applauds" sign lights up, controlld by the studio..

I do wonder, if am now 00.00pm GMT gonna take myself a glass of coke and watch this stupid show on TV cause i don't have anything else to do? Or if i should close this down and force myself to sleep.. Hmm hard choices.. But i guess my good old friend MR. Leno wins this fight.

Am sorry for all the trouble and problems i give my fiancé, its not by my meaning to be a cranky ol' bitch.. Yes well now you probably wonder why am sitting here by myself and writing a pathetic post in my blogg? Cause i like to feel sorry for myself? Nah not really, i just write what ever pops up in my mind.

I did however contact a shrink a few weeks ago... She said she will call me back with an apointment for group therapy and perhaps i need personal therapy aswell.. Supprisingly (Or not) i havnt heard a word from her..

Perhaps she finds me too much of a trouble patience or i will freak out the other patience thinking they are manic deppressed at the age of Fifteen.. Hawr Hawr...

"And on that note, we kill the music...."

Love my family, thanks for standing behind me...

/K

Interesting day (Or something)

2007-06-17T20:38:00.001+01:00

Yes today has been an interesting day, well atleast it ended in a way i didnt suspect.

Fell asleep TWO times on the sofa earlie this morning. First time with my youngest, Tristan refusing to sleep then about an hour later with my daughter, then it was her turn to not wanna sleep again..

Anyhow we woke up about 8am gmt and ate some breakfirst. Then abit later i suddenly, decided to take an hour and fifteen minutes subway trip to visit my parent (Am nuts?).

Had a quiet nice day with them and they decided to take me out on a resturant. Then my father, spontaniously gave me about 50$ For no perticular reason.. (Odd)

However i did get bad feelings about it since i heard my kids been a real pain in the *** towards their mother.. SHAME ON THEM !! (Yes indeed).

Well i came home and my daughter bursted out in joy (i belive). I think she likes me too much, hehe...

Now they are both asleep, and am sitting with a lap(flap)-top in my knee watching an odd movie with Hugh Grand (Not watching it WITH him but he is casting in it) am watching it with my beloved fiancé and hopefully my feautured wife (if i have something to say about it).

Anyway i will try to write more, yes i say that every time i know. (And if someone acually reads this)

Farewell and safe journey !

Tada !!

/K

Tuesday (And a few other days)

2007-06-12T22:12:00.000+01:00

Well today its tuesday, again..

Same as last week=) But it nolonger feels like every day is the same day, even for the fact that am home from work.

Our son is allready big in our eyes, starting to get abit of that baby-fat they get =) (Nothing compared to our daughter though)

Liv has taken her first bath in the big blue sea the other day, she loved it and we were less popular when we placed her in the push-chair again.. =)

But we promissed her a bath again as soon as the sun starts shining again.. Perhaps if my back feel allright i will take a swim with her but dont know yet, i hate cold water :)

So anything else? Well it was Bones today, very good episode of it and then it was house but i missed THIRTY minutes of it cause our daughter didn't wanna co-operate with me/us about the sleep.

But now they both are sleeping, feels like a pure victory over myself.. Didn't get 'angry' one time when our daughter screamed her lungs out.. =) (I usually lose my temper) BUT not this time !

Hawr!

Well thats all for now!!

/K

Been a long time

2007-06-03T22:32:00.001+01:00

Since i last wrote somthing here, havnt readdy had the motivation to do it if i may be honest..

Well since last time, as i said a lot of things has happend. We moved to a bigger appartment about 100meter from our old one =)

Our son is borned now finally and my warmest welcomes to the world. His name will be Tristan if ye wishes to know.. And in the summer we are, i belive planning a baptism for him. But we havn't contacted a priest yet so i dont know what will be about that..

Over all everything works fine i guess.. I dont have the energy to write everything down from last time so i just wrote down the important things..

Oh and tomorrow i will turn one year older.. Whoppaaa !! One year closer to retirement !! =) "Up yer politicians!!".

Our daughter is beginning to grow up so fast !!
And she really adores her new baby brother, wanna give his kisses and hugs all the time...

But as ye can understand that is not allways as popular from his side, with something huge and heavy walking towards ye and slimes ye down with saliva.. Eeeeeew !! ;)

Hmm anything more for the moment? *Ponders a few seconds*

Oh the birth went so fast when our son popped out !!

4am GMT i woke up, was getting ready for go to work and my fiancé tells me "Hey ye dont have to go to work"
And i asked "Why?" Wasnt really thinking of the time of the morning and her sitting dressed up and fully awake (Suicide if ye dont have to go up that early?) And then after she gave me a few hints i realized what was going on, SHE HAD LABOURS !!!!

Hehe so we went in to the hospital (Thanks to my "mother-in-law") and at 7am GMT he is borned !! So three hours and whoppa he is out !!

Well i guess that was all for tonight

Will write more when i have energy

Tada !!

/K

Friday, Interesting day

2007-03-16T20:04:00.000Z

Today it has been a good day indeed, allmost directly after breakfirst we went for a walk to the playing ground, our little daughter is so big.

She played around in the sandbox all by her self. She really likes to play around in the sand (And too bad it seems to taste too good aswell) since she intends to taste it sometimes.. :)

After that we went home, she fall asleep and then woke up =) Ate some lunch, played around abit at home and then we went out again.

We went down to the water where we fed the ducks with some bread we had left over..

At the way to the water she pat a cat for the first time in her life, she really liked it. Even pinched it on the skin back on the neck.. The cat ran off quiet fast i tell ye...

So after that we went home and had a graaand dinner. Was so good i was rolling away from the dinner table.. =)

And tonight we watched a old re-run on CSI.. The older they are the better :)

Well i think thats all for me now..

Take care and Ta Ta!

/K

Tuseday, House and shit

2007-03-13T21:15:00.000Z

Well yet another day has passed by, slowly thought, felt like it has been the longest day for my entire life.. Much boring things to do at the job and then a suddenly extremly headach around mid-day didn't make my day any better.

On the way home i sat down on the subway trying not to think so much of the headach but it was hard.. When i came home i took a few (two) asprins and then went to bed just to rest, there i found my fiancé and daughter newly woken..

A few minutes later my headach became so bad i started to cry (Oh yaaah am such a man). But hey thats me..

After a good, extremly good dinner from my fiancé and some coffe the headach was over. What a relief..

After that it has just been downhill, the evening has been perfect as we were watching a tv-serie called "House".. Hehe i just loooove that show. The main character is my new idol i believe.. :)

Tomorrow there will be an inspection of this appartment from our landlords. I hope everything will work out fine.. Well i don't think they will fail something in here but you never know, they might be picky as hell tomorrow or (as i hope) they will take a fast look around and give a thumbs up and call it a day...

Well either way we have some cleaning jobs to do so it doesn't look like a bloody mess in here..

I guess that was all for now..

Ta Ta

/K

Monday, Crime Sceen Investigation

2007-03-12T20:11:00.000Z

Yeap today its monday, feels like its gonna be monday all week. Only good thing with monday's are "CSI" tv-show. I have been looking forward to it all day at work...

I know ive been abit lacy with updating my blogg, but common please it is not that many reads this. Not that i demmand it since i mainly uses this site to express feelings, thoughts and kill some dead time :)

So anything else? Oh i was at a job interwiev at a company named "Scania". They work with trucks and stuff..

Hope i get it since this job i have now is getting rather dull.

Seems like time goes past me withing a blink of an eye, feels like it was yesterday i layed my little girl on the floor and she screamed in frustration cause she couldn't turn around. Now she just walks arounb all by her self and eats her food herself most of the times. (Allthought it can be abit messy sometimes) but hey she is not so old and it is a part of the learning progress.

Was helping my mother-in-law with their new computer, much frustation and stomache cramps later we acually did get it to work.. Hurrah for me!! :)

Its a racer, well at least compared to their old one (Not that i have a space computer either) but i have plans to get a new one sooner or later. I am impressed for building my own computer from scratch it is still alive after more or less 7 year.. Perhaps celebrate its 10th birthday if i have it that long :)

Anyway i don't know what else to write just now but as i allways say "I will try to write here more often" but i am so odd and requiers some peace and calm to write here otherwise it just becomes fucked up :)

So on a final note

"We will live in prosperity"

Ta Ta

Yer very own

/K

2007-02-18T16:56:00.000Z

Well today, so far has just been a really perfect day... Well the night was kind of rough since my little daughter has got a cold or something like that.

Hmm anything else? Well we just baked a spunchcake with coco's in it.. Yummie!!!

"You are one of few that can make my heart melt, you are one of the few that can make me feel wanted and needed. You are the one of few that makes me feel loved. You are one of few who can hit my soft spot directly and make a tear fall down on my cheek. Who are you? You are my daughter..."

Well things has really changed around here, the mood is better then on a long time and i have installed MSN on my computer!!! (I mean jesus what was i thinking?)

And i still can't believe that my little girl is walking around the appartment. I mean i feels so wierd to be somewhere and suddenly she popps up from nowhere and laughs ye right in the face ;)

I think that was all for this time, perhaps i give a summery of all evening as well tonight when everything is quiet and calm..

Ta Ta

/K

Long time no seen

2007-02-12T19:12:00.000Z

So it's been a while since i was here last time, well as always i haven't had the motivation to write anything down, and my mind has been quiet empty as well so no real point to write down something like that right?

So whats new, oh my baby girl is one years old now (well 3 days ago) and lord time has been flying away in rapid speed! Soon she will move out, go out on nightclubs and bring home one guy after another that will of course drive me insane...

She has started to walk as well, well stumbling around will probably be the more right word for it, looking like Capt. Jack Sparrow from "Pirates of the Carribean" or a drunkard home from the local pub..

Today she has acted real strange, been very whining and yelling allot, has eaten like a horse (or man) all day and haven't slept much either. Well i guess she is having one of those periods women is having once in a while where everything is bad and fucked up...

Well she recived alot of fun things from every direction when it was her birthday, including four bags with clothings from my sister.. Oh and my brother called today, was mighty surprised he NEVER calls actually, and guess what? He actually wanted to talk allot of everything.

He is sending my baby girl money to make up for it that he couldn't turn out at her birthday. Well its understandable since nobody told him that it was her birthday until the day before, and at that time he was already on his way to watch the "Swedish Rally" tournament.

And as a final note i am looking for a new job so if ye have anything at all give me a shout :) Well i guess thats all for this time and i promise to you who actually read this diary or "blogg" as it so nicely and modernly calls, i will try to write more... Ta Ta
/K

Just as always...

2007-01-20T20:31:00.000Z

Yeah things has turned back into normal everyday now... Don't really know if its a good thing or a bad thing but it doesn't matter... Not many things do right now.. Well my daughter is sick, typically changing diaper every 5th minute it seems.. Expensive shit these things...

And anything else? Well was a time since i wrote, well i have had problems with motivation for doing it.. Feels like nothing new happens anymore its just a big fucking repeat of everything.. Monday or Thursday? Doesn't matter its just a name on a day.. Friday in other hand is different cause then i stop working whole 3 hours earlier.. But then after thats its the same..

All 7 days in the week are the same more or less. Its just a name for the days... (Why have names for the days after all?) What's the purpose on that?

Well anything else? Nope not really now..

"Your an asshole!"

/K

Thursday

2006-12-28T20:36:00.000Z

Yeap its Thursday again, just as last week i guess...

got surprised this evening, my daughter fell asleep in my lap, it was like pushing a button....

She woke up as planned and now she woke up again, just hope it won't be same procedure as last night cause then i don't know what to do....

my fiancé went in to sleep with her, it use to help but unsure now though... But what are ye gonna do? So far nobody have taken ownership rights on sleeping pills for baby, although i some times feel like i wanna to do it....

Met a friend today as well, we haven't met in ages.. (at least it feels like it)...

Well i guess thats all for now...
Sorry darling for jelling at ye, you know i love you!!

Ta Ta

/K

Wednesday

2006-12-27T20:34:00.000Z

So its Wednesday, time passes by like a bolt of lightning even though we haven't done so much today... Hmm strange...

Speaking of strange, my little (and of course beautiful and wonderful) daughter have trouble sleeping for some strange reason... Well it just been two nights now... *PONDERS* i wonder why really, she have really problems relaxing...

And now she stands there and smiles at me like am an idiot, he he

But in the whole i guess it works anyway..

Ta Ta

/K

Christmas time and a brand new firetruck...

2006-12-26T20:29:00.000Z

This years christmas is over, we had allot of snow here (or not). Felt like spring but still it was christmas...

Our daughter got freighted by Santa Clause and started to cry, not that suspected anything else from the start... She liked all the christmas food and thats a good thing, not many babies like christmas food...

So this is what i received in christmas gifts...

A pair of socks, underwear and a bracelet in leather from my mother in law...
A hooded shirt from my fiancé
A new microwave from my parents (Actually it was to both me and my gal)
Money

The best gift was probably the socks and the shirt... And the bracelet was really neat as well =)

Our daughter received so many things that i will not even mention them.. Well i can say it was toys and cloths.... My fiancé was happy over the necklace i bought for her...

Now its all over, the day i wanted so much to come ended withing a blink of an eye... Too bad but it will come again next year right?? 363 days left =)

But still i have to more things too look forward too before next christmas.. first thing is another baby, my life is starting to feel complete.. And the next thing is my birthday... wee 23 bloodeh years... *GRUNTS* am an old bloke soon...

Oh and later this evening am gonna open my self a bottle of "Murphy's" ale and just feel good...

Well thats all for now

Go in peace!

Ta Ta

/K

Friday (Updated)

2006-12-22T21:18:00.000Z

So now am writing again...

Well we managed to do allot today after all...

First off we expected my father to show up with christmas gifts and some stuff for the christmas tree.. but he was very late (as usual)

But he managed to show up and we drove off to Toys 'r Us store and bought a little kitchen kit for my fiancés kid brother... And after that we went off hunting for a christmas tree..

Then we ate lunch and i took farewell to my father, yeah sounds dramatic doesn't it? But we will catch up on Sunday again am sure...

Then we went off buying the rest of the christmas gifts... Jesus i didn't realize that there was so many people living in this area but it was allot of people... at least 10-15 minutes wait time before ye could pay.. And thats a long time when ye have a baby in a wagon almost crying...

Then we came home and wrapped the christmas gifts and now we just decorated the christmas tree... Mmm the christmas spirit has finally come to me a little bit..

Well now i don't really know what else to wright down here now....

But we see each other around more times and if you wish, wright a little comment in the blog.. =)

Ta Ta

/K

Friday...

2006-12-22T09:26:00.000Z

Yeah what can i say, just a typical Friday...

Oh and two days left for christmas..

Hope i will wright something more here later on when i have the time and inspiration and have calmed my nerves....

Ta Ta

/K

Thursday....

2006-12-21T19:43:00.000Z

So its Thursday again, just as last week and the week before that.. And as usual nothing new has happened.. Well three days left for christmas, still no christmas spirit but anyhow....

Took a day of today, fuck the bastards right up there stupid asses.. Thats what i think of that construction site. I don't even know why i still work there.. Its such a dull and stupid..

Don't even know why we are still there, there is nothing to do and all we do is to cost money, for nothing.. Blah!!

But i don't care now nothing matters.. Well at least not much... Bad day today, don't now why really....

Well fuck you and go to hell!

Ta Ta

/K

Wednesday

2006-12-20T19:21:00.000Z

Yeah 4 days left for christmas...
Not that the christmas spirit has come knocking on my shoulder yet but anyhow..

Still allot of things to do, by some more presents, get the food, get a tree etcetera etcetera....

Sometimes i don't believe it is christmas times.. the preps are useless this year but i think we will manage anyhow, in one way or another...

Been a hard day at work as well, for a change yeah, been dried out for a week or two with jobs but now its started again...

Now the little girl is sleeping, hardly think she will sleep any long time.. She always wakes up atleast two times before really falling asleep.. So am on "standby" mode here.. Ready to charge in at get her to fall asleep.. But i think it will end up as usually, she falling asleep in our bed between me and my fiancé...

Well i think thats all for now..

In case we don't see each other before christmas, have a really nice one!

Ta Ta

/K

Monday (Updated)

2006-12-18T20:51:00.000Z

yeah she is still screaming that little girl, my fiancé has been there forever.. I am so proud of her that she hasn't freaked out yet... I know that i would...

I want to help but she wont let me...

Oh the reason that she cries isn't that she has eaten too many bananas or anything but that she needs to sleep in her own bed for once.. =)

Which would feel kind of nice since she is used to sleep in our bed when she can't sleep and my fiancés back can't really handle it, well neither can my back but i will survive at least...

Anyway, i love her more then anything in the whole world.. Well alright they share 1st position...

Take care all!

Ta Ta

PS! Lots of hugs and kisses to both my girls! DS!

/K

Monday...

2006-12-18T20:11:00.000Z

Yes today its Monday, ant nothing much has happened.

Trying to get the little girl to fall asleep but i think she has eaten too many bananas and some gingerbread cookies...

Anyway now i realized why you don't give small babies those cookies, if thats the problem that is...

Anyway nothing much..

Ta Ta

/K

Lies and tireness

2006-12-17T18:46:00.000Z

Well today something happened that, well i don't know why it did happened...

I told a lie, i haven't done that for ages and ages....
I didn't really mean to but i did anyway, i have no idea why i did..

But the truth came out eventually but still... Man that sucks...

I love them above everything else, and today i hurt them.. I am so sorry that i did that, i really mean it...

I never wanna lose you, NEVER!

So anything else? Well i played Warcraft 3 last night, really funny and brings out some sort of a weird, perverted addiction inside you...

So today am really tired.. blah!

Well thats all for now i think...

Take care!

PS! You know i love you... DS!

"Andoufallah"

/K

Another Saturday

2006-12-16T16:52:00.001Z

Yes another Saturday is about to end...

well acually its 6 hours left but it feels like its about to end, all dark and stuff outside...

So this day? Well its been very good actually, been taking a small walk by myself and one walk with my daughter.....

Well just finished dinner, taco pie. It was the first time i ate it and damn that was a good pie...

Something more? Yes of course, my mother called me on the phone and asked if we wanted some stuff for the christmas tree we are about to buy, well i said "of course" and then she called me three times about that bloody christmas tree. So typically my mother *Grins*

Anyway i think this was all for this time..

Ta Ta
/K

Finally weekend

2006-12-15T18:08:00.000Z

Finally weekend...
yes this week has been like a month, nothing much to do at the work.. Cleaning jobs mostly and thats kind of useless...

But now its weekend, damn that feels so good. A whole weekend with my family and yes i mean my real family (Not my parents).

Am not sure what am gonna do though, acually i have no idea.. Prepare some candy and stuff for christmas perhaps.. just 9 days left now (And counting).

Well now my daughter fell asleep so now i don't know what am gonna do...

Well not sit here anymore anyway...

Ta Ta!
Your Sincerely
/K

2006-12-13T16:39:00.000Z

Well i have to be the stupidest person in this whole god forsaken earth....

Why?
Well you dont care so why would i tell...
All i can say though is that am sorry for being such an bloodeh idiotl....
Sorry for messing things up...
Sorry for being a fucked up listener...
Sorry for hurting you...

You do know i love you more then anything, more then life itself and more then... Well i dont know. (My computer?)

**Hugs**

Your sincerely
/K

A while....

2006-12-12T21:51:00.000Z

... Its been a while since i was here last time, nothing much has happened but i will try to force something down here...

Am still at this bloodsucking construction company called JM AB....
They are like mosquitoes draining poor peoples blood....

Here at home everything is the same, daughter having huuuuuuuuuuuge trouble sleeping, am like a zombie on the evenings but is trying to force myself to be up with some aid of Java. (coffee) .

Oh and of course christmas is coming up soon, bloodeh hell i hope that will be nice. I had plans to celebrate it by myself and my fiancé and daughter.... But that was changed very very very fast....

Now my bloodeh parents are gonna be there as well, pfft idiots.. bloodeh n000bs =)

And now my daughter is sad cause she wont sleep and i will not go in to her and bring her up the bed, cause she needs to know that me and my fiancé can disappear a little wile but we will come back, thats life, she wont have somebody to carry her around all life...

She is crying, my heart is bleeding and my soul is screaming but since when did i listen to my heart and soul? HAHA Nevah!!!!!!

Anyway time to leave this god forsaken place for this time.. have a good one all! (Of you who gives a shit and actually reads this).

"Strength and Honor"

Its a beautiful morning!

2006-11-30T20:11:00.001Z

I dont know, there is something about that song thats been stuck inside my little head...

I cant say its so good but i think its the irony in it that makes me like it....
I can see inside my head an image of a old-school cop in the U.S that wakes up and lights a cigarette and looks at an empty bottle of whiskey and then this grand song starts to play in the background...

Anyway whats new then? I struggled my way to this part of the internet, i swore never to go to a place like this and well where am i now? I am thinking, how many of you acually read these posts and give a damn about the person that wrights it?

If someone feels that he/she wishes to empty their mind and thought about a bad break-up with a relationship, a pet that suddenly died or something like that.... This person wrights down all thoughts and all his/her's feelings and when YOU finds it here you say.. "This is a sorry little person". And then you move along with your buisniss...

Personaly i could wright down abit history of my life, if i had the motivatioon to do it or knowing that there was somebody out there thats giving a crap... Not many people know real me, well its me and my fiancé.. No body else does it...

Anyway i dont know why i wrote this down..

And now my daughter woke up, what a supprise she never wokes up like that....

Anyway now i will do something else for a change...
And remember, tomorow its a beautiful morning!
/Kupala