Yet another...

.. Night is about to past.. Or technicly it HAS passed...

Again am sitting here, alone in the allmost pitch-black livingroom, the only lights are from this computer screen and the TV that shows some crappy ass movie as allways..

God why do i still acually turn it on when i know its gonna be crap on it? Can it be my (allmost) phobia for silent rooms? Perhaps...

Tried to go to bed with the rest of the familly, once again i failed.. Can't relax for shit even that i want to.. Reason (allmost) unknown.. For me to know and for you not give give a rats ass about...

I can hear the quiet moaning from my youngest as he is (Probably) about to wake up.. Cool (or not).

"I walked into the dark room, with only a lap-top in my hand to light it up, i was about to enter a very unknown place and it was not Nirvana... I surfed around for a few moments, closed my eyes and i opend them again.. What happend? I look down, oh nothing.. Supprisingly.."

Anyway i am about to turn in to something i despite, a cranky, allmost indifirent old man.. I feel very old but trapped in a body looking like something for the nosferatu movies, atleast thats what the mirror's are telling me..

I don't know why i am getting so cranky, am sorry about that it is not by my meaning.. I can not help it. I think am stressed out, to tense...

Even when am extremly tired and my eyes are starting to cross i can not relax, cause i know (or feel) that anytime my kids can wake up then i have to run in to atlease one to safe and rescue like a superhero..

I don't know whats wrong with me to be honest, i feel... Changed, just a meer week ago i loved playing on my computer or just sit at it and do nothing special, now it hasn't been on for four days (and probably five aswell).. (Yes this is not MY computer its my fiancés computer). Something is wrong with me and i need help..

Still no sound from the psychiatrist by the way, am about to start looking for someone else.. A private one perhaps? (Cost's billions but there i guess i atleast will get help).

And its time when i think like that i start to look up after derangements that are simillar to my behavior, so far the closest one i found is something called "border-line". Hell knows what that is and telling the truth i don't give a shit either since its probably bullshit anyhow but its fun to look up.

So anything new over and all, well not much...


Sorry all that am so cranky, i cant help it, i could fake a smile now and then but am not like that at all, i guess am just to frustrated and belive me if i told you why.. You would either laugh right up in my face OR just don't understand.. Not many do, all i can say is that am sure am a original of myself..

Ta DA

/K